geometricdeathtrap:

metallikato:

generallegendary:

metallikato:

jewelstaites:

how to give a good handjob

• bop it
• pull it
• twist it

• harder
• better
• faster
• stronger 

You pull your left hand in
You pull your left hand out
You pull your left hand in
And you shake it all about!

Cha cha real smooth

none of you ever touch a penis

casualcynic:

So my mom and I have been working the same waitress job for 5-6 years now. She had been waitressing years before, but this is recently. Anyway, about… 15 minutes ago this guy she waited on left and told her to take care. Just that. Prior to this she had talked to him about Italy. Her people are from Florence, this and that, and she said she’s never been. She’s got 8 years of art education and she’s working a waitress job. It’s pretty… Sad and disappointing, I guess. Her and my father divorced 6 years ago and she hasn’t had a real job ever. Just been stuck in a small town she’s not from.

This man who we have never seen before tipped her 1000 dollars for a trip to Italy. Walked out, not another word.

…you know. Just when I start to lose faith in humanity….Hm.

a-tolkien-for-your-thoughts:

xdroox:

toinfinityandbeyonce:

me on my way to steal your man

“In case of an emergency this airplane is designed with 8 exits located around you.”

i WA S LAUGHING SO HARD I COULDNT EVNE REBLOG FOR A FEW MINUTES

benedictcumbergasm:

benedct:

The Star Trek Into Darkness Superbowl ad in case you missed it

The whole movie was a competition between blue eyes

pentaholicsanonymous:

basscannonkaplan:

Meat & Potatoes Groove with Avi Kaplan Hair Flip™ | SHM Medley Video 

AY AY AY AY

10-roses:

thedancinggallifreyan:

littlelionheartedqueen:

if the tardis is infinite with infinite rooms then maybe we’re all in the tardis and don’t even know it

MAYBE OUR ENTIRE UNIVERSE IS ONE ROOM IN THE TARDIS

imfeelinghellagood:

so if tumblr is worth 1.1 billion dollars and there are 108.5 million blogs that means my blog is worth approximately $10.14 so mom don’t fucking tell me I do nothing all day

hawkeyedriza:

absolutelydestinysmood:

nannajane:

in 7 years its going to be the 20s again so we can bring back swing music and the aesthetics of that era but keep modern values who’s with me

you can’t repeat the past

can’t repeat the past? why, of course you can! of course you can. 

sherlockbbc:

ahrensmindpalace:

blood-and-confetti:

rudycooper:

im fucking sobbing

omfg

CANT BREATHe

THAT WAS UNEXPECTED

dr-and-mrs-who:

helveticathestitcher:

southpaw-holmes:

DAVID OWL

IT’S DOCTOR “HOO”

AND ITS ANIMATED

i-ran-over-oprah:

how many number 1 rules of tumblr are there even

haithinkimfunny:

queenestelle:

gothist:

GET IGNORED SO MUCH BITCHES CALL ME TERMS AND CONDITIONS

at least you get accepted no matter what

that’s the most uplifting thing i’ve seen all day 

sethymiles:

I like the look Nicki gives like “yup that bitch”

fishingboatproceeds:

How did this get 71,000 notes?! 

Also, now that tumblr is being bought by yahoo, does this mean I will finally get paid for every note generated? And if so, can I declare that payment as fishing boat proceeds?!